Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Dating A Male Gynecologist?

Dear Dr. Kate,

My cousin wants to set me up with her husband's longtime friend, who happens to be a OB/GYN. Both she and her husband talk glowingly of the guy: He's a great doctor whom his patients adore; smart with a great bedside manner; comes from a good family. At age 40 he's ready to settle down after years of focusing on his career.

My question for you is how do male gyno's separate the clinical from the sexy? Mystery seems to be one element that makes the naked female body sexy for men: Most don't get to see many bare breasts or exposed nether regions so when they do they're thrilled regardless of their perfection. Does a male gynecologist get the same rush from those erogenous body parts when they're with their partner or is it just "more of the same"?

This guy sounds like a gem; however, I have this nagging feeling that his years of training and practice have wiped out his natural male instinct to see women sexually.

What do your male colleagues tell you?

Go For The Gyno?

Dear Go,

I can totally understand why you may doubt how a gyno can separate work from pleasure. But it's all about the context in which he gets to see someone's lady parts. The first part of this is why he's seeing someone naked. All of us gynos desensitize to a certain degree when examining a patient, whether we're male or female. It's better for me, when I'm with a patient, to not think about it as Susan's breasts or Lily's vulva, but simply as tissue that I want to examine and make sure is healthy. I don't want to be distracted by the person to whom the parts belong (because I never want to find something wrong with someone I like and care for). Male gynos do the same thing. So when they're with their lover, they know her parts but look at them in an entirely different way - not for pathology but for pleasure. Think about how you kiss your dad and how you kiss your boyfriend - both are men, and both are kissed, but the context is entirely different (I hope).

The other part of context is how the exam proceeds. You know what an exam room is like - bright lights, cold air, colder speculum. You also know from your own experience that the pelvic exam itself is no fun. Gynos try to make the exam go as gently and as quickly as possible, but we're well aware that we're making you feel uncomfortable - and sometimes outright causing you pain. And when you're making someone hurt, there's absolutely nothing sexy about it.

It's not just mystery that makes you attractive to a male gyno - it's the fact that after spending an evening with you, it's your body he gets to see and touch - not just not any body. And a gyno has the advantage that because of what he does every day, he won't be so overwhelmed by the mere sight of your bare breasts or bottom that he doesn't know what to do with them.

And anecdotally, all of the male gynos that I'm friends with are married - and if the number of kids they all have is any indication, they're not too bored with the female body at all!

Go for it,
Dr. Kate

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